Spoiler: They Make Babies

One day…

Posted in General Talk by spoilerbaby on January 13, 2010

Sometime in the future, I will write a romance novel where the hero attempts to convince the heroine to revel in her size (by dressing differently, etc.), and the heroine responds by pointing out the ways that it might affect her negatively at her workplace.  Sure, she may still undergo the makeover and learn to love herself as she is, but I will at least acknowledge that there are other pressures in her life besides True Love.

I will write a romance novel where the heroine considers herself fat, but her size is never mentioned, because I will remember that naming numbers is just distracting.  (No, Meg Cabot,* a size 12 is not fat! Thank you for writing a book about the completely obvious.)

I will write a romance novel where the heroine actually loved her Dead Husband, where she’s grieved him for a long time, and is ready to move on.  I will characterize her as kind of bummed that she’s got a new hot boytoy with a power schlong!  And I’ll make sure that she realizes that it’s not that new man is better than dead man, but that they’re profoundly different.  Also that she doesn’t want to have sex with a dead guy.

I will write a historical romance novel where the gypsy dude is NOT brooding — where he’s the equivalent of an actuary — and there is a black dude somewhere in the narrative.  Maybe the black dude will just be chilling in the background!  But somewhere!  Maybe he’ll even have a personality!  (WHOA.)  And there’ll be a gay dude who isn’t the dead gay husband.

Obviously I have a lot of writing to do.

What about you?  Are there any romance novels you find yourself needing to write?

* – Whose works, for the record, I normally like quite a bit.

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