Spoiler: They Make Babies

One day…

Posted in General Talk by spoilerbaby on January 13, 2010

Sometime in the future, I will write a romance novel where the hero attempts to convince the heroine to revel in her size (by dressing differently, etc.), and the heroine responds by pointing out the ways that it might affect her negatively at her workplace.  Sure, she may still undergo the makeover and learn to love herself as she is, but I will at least acknowledge that there are other pressures in her life besides True Love.

I will write a romance novel where the heroine considers herself fat, but her size is never mentioned, because I will remember that naming numbers is just distracting.  (No, Meg Cabot,* a size 12 is not fat! Thank you for writing a book about the completely obvious.)

I will write a romance novel where the heroine actually loved her Dead Husband, where she’s grieved him for a long time, and is ready to move on.  I will characterize her as kind of bummed that she’s got a new hot boytoy with a power schlong!  And I’ll make sure that she realizes that it’s not that new man is better than dead man, but that they’re profoundly different.  Also that she doesn’t want to have sex with a dead guy.

I will write a historical romance novel where the gypsy dude is NOT brooding — where he’s the equivalent of an actuary — and there is a black dude somewhere in the narrative.  Maybe the black dude will just be chilling in the background!  But somewhere!  Maybe he’ll even have a personality!  (WHOA.)  And there’ll be a gay dude who isn’t the dead gay husband.

Obviously I have a lot of writing to do.

What about you?  Are there any romance novels you find yourself needing to write?

* – Whose works, for the record, I normally like quite a bit.

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  1. erica said, on January 15, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Have you read Carla Kelly’s Mrs Drew Plays Her Hand? Because I thought the widow who genuinely loved her dead husband was played really nicely there, with some of that “not better, but different” realization you mention. Not quite what you’re talking about, since her husband has died fairly recently when she meets the hero (although he had been sick for long enough before hand, I suppose in some ways she’d been grieving for a while, she definitely had angst about moving on from him).

    • spoilerbaby said, on January 22, 2010 at 4:37 pm

      Good call! I had completely forgotten about Kelly, who writes that really well. (Fellow Jess will totally kick my butt for forgetting about Carla Kelly – one of her favorites!)

  2. The Other Jess said, on January 23, 2010 at 1:13 am

    Fellow Jess! Where is the Amazon link where I can be notified when these novels of yours come to print? Because I would be first in line to buy them (I still think fondly of that one you mentioned a long while back – do you remember? It involved a mathematician and a hairdresser?)!

    Did you see that Kristan Higgins has a new book out next month featuring a widow as the main character? I’m wondering if she’ll be able to do with the concept what you describe above. I didn’t love her most recent book as much as I did Catch of the Day or Just One of the Guys, but I’m still hopeful!

    Also: I owe you an e-mail, will be writing it this weekend!

    • spoilerbaby said, on February 5, 2010 at 1:36 pm

      Fellow Jess!

      I will totally be the first to hassle you to buy my romance novels if and when I actually get around to writing them! I still dream of writing one about a mathematician and a hairdresser. I should start drafting that, actually. And do I hear you’re working on a novel? I am on tenterhooks for your email!

      I’m really looking forward to the new Higgins, although I wasn’t that outrageously pleased by the previous one (I imagine we had similar qualms, such as STOP TORTURING THAT POOR DUDE, LADY!). It fulfilled some of my requirements for the widow, but I want the widow narrative COMBINED with a “convinced by pure lust” narrative, not a “you’re pathetically in love with me, let me torture you until a near-death experience makes me realize I took you for granted” narrative.

      Tonight I’m really hoping to write a review of Pride Mates, which is a shapeshifters romance I picked up to ~~broaden my horizons, and which is hiiiiiiiiilarious and yet still somehow compelling. I read the whole thing! Weird.

      xo Jess!


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